Bear with me as I get really personal for a minute...
When I look around my own home, the one I share with my love Nick and our sweet angel puppy Nigel, you can see the traces of her: the objects I inherited that have since become mine but still hold a part of her essence or even in the shoes stacked neatly in my closet, in original boxes, that were her's. They speak to the deeper influence this incredible woman, my mom, still has on my life and my work.
Her home was the first project where I began to understand my own sensitivity, so much like her's, and how I could shape a space and an experience to help heal on a deeper level. I was so much her mirror in a similar way as her home was. It mirrored her love of the decorative arts and fashion and early California Landscapes and a house full of children and noise but also deep wounds from her childhood and the loss of her father and her fear of being forgotten. If you looked closely you could read her adorned rooms like a map.
Her house spoke of a ton of unfinished or not yet started projects and updates. It spoke of her fear and anxiety and the walls, both literally and emotionally, she built around herself to keep the pain at bay. It spoke of experimentation and transition, which you can see written on my walls too. It spoke to the complexity of the human spirit.
So as she faced the new normal of Cancer in a hospital bed I began to peel away the layer of neglect from her space. My family and I went through every drawer and every closet, every bin and walked through every memory she had been holding onto. I had my first experience with de cluttering and clearing. It almost broke me in moments, but as I ran away from the pain of possibly losing my mother and focused on the task at hand, I ran towards what would later become my calling, I ran towards healing her home.
She was this vital, charismatic and magnetic woman. She had the most incredible stories and the most rich laughter. I wanted her home to be a reflection of that. I wanted her home to be a mirror for possibility and hope. I wanted the next chapter of her life, however long that was, to be filled with family and the laughter of her grandchildren. I wanted to shape this experience for her so she knew, with a deep certainty, that she was not alone and would not be forgotten. And I did. I created that for her.
Her influence is still such a tangible part of my life, even though she is gone now. I include her home in my projects. I engage with her deep energetic impressions on the things in my home. I credit my ability to understand design and feel spacial energy to her and her guidance. I get to learn from her mistakes and move through my pain as much as possible.
So as I delve deep into the process of rebranding and fully stepping into my role as healer I am enjoying my memories of her and my connection to her. I enjoy looking through the photos of the space I conjured up for her. I get to learn from that process as I continue the work for others. If you want to know more about who I am as a designer and a healer and a woman, then check out this babe because she is the deepest source.